Alllllll byyyyyy myyyyyyyyyyyyyyseeeeeeeelf

All right, I have a lot of things to get out and I want to do it eloquently, but let me get this first thing out real fast. FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!! I was walking past the dresser in this little Super 8 room while I was throwing my Qdoba wrapper away and then BAM! I smashed my head into this little shelf that just kind of juts out into the room. SHIT.

But back to business. I am sitting here in a crappy recliner with a warm Qdoba burrito sitting nicely in my belly, a giant bump on my head (no blood, thankfully), Baseball Tonight muted on the TV, Until June oozing through my speakers, and feeling a little lonely. Humans are weird. Today was weirder. Let me tell you how I got here.

I woke up and strung a racquet, went to the Pantry with my dad and my sister and ate a ton of food so I wouldn't want to eat later, packed up my shit and hit the road. I left Pueblo at noon and got to FoCo at about 2:30. This trip is already a lot different than any trip I've taken for tennis before.

I really like the whole team camraderie thing. I didn't think that it was going to be such a draw for me, but I really like being around the team, knowing that we are all out to do the same thing, there is always someone to talk to. It's less chore-like. Driving 160 miles just to play tennis seems like an absurd thing to do anyhow. I kind of get the sense of what it must be like to be a journeyman tennis player, some guy who can never get his rank past 600 in the world or something. You're just kind of out cruising around, seeing different parts of the world while playing tennis. That seems pretty idyllic, right? Well I guess it can be if you are winning all the time, but if you can't crack the top 500, you probably aren't winning all the time, you probably aren't making that much money so you probably aren't traveling with a coach and a little entourage the entire time. Roger Federer I am not. It really makes you lonely to lose your match and then sit back and watch people greeting each other, talking, watching matches, having a good time -- meanwhile you are just sitting there wishing you were still playing tennis. It makes you feel like, "Well, I'm not winning, so what the fuck am I doing here anyhow?"

And something else. I was sitting in my dad's car today while he was at the bank before we went to eat -- yes, that was important -- and I was looking down the street and realized that I could name every building that I could see down the street. It got me to thinking about towns and cities and moving on and people getting excited about leaving and crap like that. Now, understand this. I go to college in my hometown at a school four blocks from my house. I learned to drive my car in the same parking lots that I walk through to get to class. I still go to my brother's high school tennis matches at my old high school. I am relatively happy with my situation as it is right now. I am not burning under the collar to leave this instant because I know a good thing when I am sitting in its lap.

Still though, there is a part of me that is just really anxious to maybe live in a city that I don't know like the back of my hand. Like right now, I am learning Fort Collins. I know at least three ways to get to the tennis court complex that this tournament is being held at, but that's just how my mind works. It leads directly to tennis too, because the tournament today was a new experience. I know all about the summer tournaments in Pueblo. I have helped run most of them. I am as big as they are. I know who buys the balls, I know who makes the trophies, I know who will enter what divisions before they enter. I know the tournament directors, I work for them, and shit, I play in all of them. But up here, I only knew one of the other players, and that was a guy that I met two weeks ago. There are all of these other studly players with fancy bags and new shoes and nice haircuts, and I know that a lot of it is because I am in Fort Collins (not exactly Pueblo). In college tennis, we don't give a shit who the tournament director is or who the other coach is. We are playing for our coach and for our team and things like that, but in this case, I am just up here playing to get better, playing because I want to, and it's a weird feeling not knowing.

I really like going out to the park in Pueblo and walking into the clubhouse and saying hi to Ed and going out and hitting with him for an hour and passing by a few other people I know and talking to them. I am established. I like that. Still, there is something very sexy about not knowing the people, not knowing anyone. Personally, I find it to be an uncomfortable feeling because it makes me feel really small. I am nowhere as big as Fort Collins. That is the root of the issue. Pueblo only occasionally makes me feel small enough to need to do something to make myself feel bigger. But going outside of the city limits, going to this strange, affluent, college place changes it all.

ANYHOW. Fuck. If you're still with me, kudos. The actual match today was less than stellar. I had to play some pro from Longmont and I lost 2 and 0. The first set started out shaky and then I closed it to 4-2 and then he just beat the fucking shit out of me. I played 10 minutes of good tennis in there, and I need to find that and try to make it 20 minutes, and then 30 minutes and then maybe even a whole match. The guy WAS really solid, but he wasn't amazing. Good pace, good depth on all hit shots, really consistent, solid ass serve. Still though, I chunked a lot of volleys, missed a lot of groundies that I shouldn't have. He said to me as we were shaking hands, "I could tell you weren't on -- I wouldn't want to play you when you are. You've got great volleys, are you gonna be in Fort Collins much more this summer? Let's hit." I guess that's nice, but fuck, it would be nice to just climb a tree and beat someone.

Last thought, which kind of nullifies some of what I said earlier. I asked the guys at the tournament desk -- before I left to go see a couple friends (who promptly left the city) -- if they knew of any public parks or high school courts that I could check out tomorrow. I told them I was looking to hit some serves at least, kill some time -- best case scenario, I would find someone to play with. They gave me a map of the neighborhood and marked out a park with 6 courts. Then the tournament director, Tom, who emailed me like four times before I even signed up, gave me his phone number, told me that he lives nearby the park and that he would hit with me late tomorrow morning if I called him. I told him that it sounded like a great idea and that I would be calling him. So that's good. I just want to get a little touch on the ball tomorrow, get a little more feel for it before my two matches tomorrow night.

So anyhow, I might be back later, might not, depends on what's on TV I guess. Might do a little workout and then get a shower and try to sleep. We shall see. Sorry if this is gay. I'm bored.

Inbetweenthings

Another Tuesday, another hellacious thunderstorm, another USTA league match washed out. Last Tuesday we got rained out, and then today was just crap. I left the house at 4:45 and it was fine. I noticed it was getting darker as I was driving to the courts, and after 5 minutes of driving I no longer needed my sunglasses. By 5:00 pm when I was at the facility it started to rain, and then by 5:15 it was hailing and blowing really bad. Didn't stop until almot 7:30. Fuck that.

Anyhow, I have that tournament in FoCo this week and was hoping I would get at least one match in beforehand. Guess I will have to get a couple of unofficial sets in and then be on my way. I am going to try to get up there and eat and then check in to the hotel, maybe take a fresh little nap, then head to the site and check the place out, play my first match, and then I might meet a friend for some dinner. I hate to plan things out that specifically in advance, but it seems like a solid schedule right now.

Dear England

Dear England:

When I gently invade your shores in three weeks, I promise to do a few things, and I promise NOT to do a few more. I will pack light, and by that I mean I will take a backpack with clothing and a small day bag to pack my essential shit in. That's it. I am going for the simple lifestyle when I'm with you. You and I will be like some weird vegan couple on a honeymoon. The simple life, you might say. I will buy some laundry detergent so I can occassionally wash my clothes, and then I'll give it to someone else when I leave. I will buy some trinkets for my friends and family and I will mail them home the next day. I will not overencumber myself, even for a little bit.

I promise not to wear anything resembling an American flag or promote anything that has to do with the American lifestyle while I am in your country. I hate people who wear "God bless America" shirts anyhow, and I'm FROM America. I will try to blend in -- I once told my brother, "Act like you've been there before, and then after the first time, you have, so you're fine." That's not to say that I won't be in awe, because I surely will be. But I won't go all giddy at the mention of Trafalgar Square, and I won't blow a load in my pants the first time I get on the tube. Don't get me wrong. I will have my camera with me at all times. I hope I can take some quality photos too instead of getting too wrapped up in myself and expending shitty shots on the usual suspects. I want to do something special with my camera, and if my mind allows me, I will try. That's all I can promise you, dear, I will try.

And when it comes to people, I will attempt to do as the locals do, but I will find that blend of touristy imitation and being a douche. Because I am the only guy in my group of 14, I will be staying with some other travelers or residents or whatever while I am in your country. I promise, and I really mean this England, I will not be an asshole. Polite, courteous, maybe a little funny funny, but not a dick. I promise to abstain from all assholery while I am in your country. We have a president for that. England, I think what I'm trying to say is that I am going to try to be as un-American as possible. That doesn't mean I'm going to start using words like "lad" and "cheers" and assume a crappy accent, but I think you understand. I am going to do my best. I hope you like it.

Much love,

Jamers

Ideas??

I'm desperate for fun distractions at work. I am pretty sure that I've seen everything on the Internet. And I mean everything. Every video on youtube, every sports article in the world...everything. It's depressing.

Here's what we have to work with (we meaning Ryan and I here at the writing center): five aging Dell desktop computers hooked into a lackluster campus network; a few large desks; four rolling chairs; 10 stationary chairs; a telephone; some filing cabinets; a printer; two small office areas that are cordoned off from the main writing room area; four fake trees and two fake plants. That's about the size of it. If anyone has some suggestions for how we can entertain ourselves, or would like to contribute financially, please leave a comment with all of your personal information (credit card and PIN number, belly button size, etc.). It would be much appreciated.

Still here, more or less

I'm still around. Actually right now I'm at work, but it's so fucking boring that I have resorted to walking around the room in circles. It's really bad. But anyhow, I guess there are some things to talk about.

• The Paper Cup went well. Greg and I won consolation open doubles and I won one and lost one in singles. I lost to Beau from the team, and since he is a stud I'm really not too broken up about it.
• I'm playing a tournament in FoCo next week -- should be interesting. I don't really know where I am staying yet, but it will be the first time that I'm all alone, no team, no coach, no family, no nothing, just me and my matches.
• I have also decided that I am going to work a Nike Camp at Fountain Valley in CO Springs this July. I'm just doing two weeks of it instead of the four weeks I worked in Boulder last summer. Four weeks of camp is rough; two should be pretty manageable. The place looks amazing, and it IS a Nike Camp, so that means FREE CLOTHING!
• It's interesting how I even got that job. Every tennis job I've ever had has nothing to do with any sort of tennis skill or qualification -- it's just that I have known the right people or made the right connection at the right time. The camp director used to coach Colorado College's tennis team and I played against him last year and so when he spotted me at the courts a couple weeks ago he offered me the job. It's that simple.
• I am still in mourning about last night's game. Don't talk to me for a couple more days. And don't look at the ESPN soccernet headline. Christ.
• This must be one of the perks of being a professional athlete. How sick.
• I bet that Roddick would trade being on the cover of this magazine for a win over Monfils (he lost). That sucks...I don't know if the clay brings out the best in the rest of the world or the worst in American kids or if it's some mixture of the two. I'm going to do a Hubie Brown, second-person impression here, so bear with me. I mean look at Roddick: You've got THE serve, you've got a big forehand, you move well, you are coming to net with more success than before, you've got every reason to feel confident in your game, but then you go out and consistently lay eggs on the dirt. And now you're starting to feel like your performance is slipping when it comes to hard courts. That's a hard situation to dig yourself out of. (⁄ impression).

Anyhow, some guy just came in for help. I gotta get.

Editor's note: 5/24/07

I apologize for the grammar errors that appeared in this post. I was at work at even though I wasn't doing anything else, I was feeling harried. Actually, I'm not sorry. Nevermind.

Raining...

It is officially summer tournament time for a couple of reasons. One, we started playing the Paper Cup tournament last night, and also because tonight's matches were completely rained out. What a pain.

I played a pretty long singles match last night but it was a solid effort. A nice little three-setter, saved a match point even in the final set (but it really wasn't that dramatic). The match was on serve most of the time and I just got the breaks when I needed to and that was that. I was a little rough around the edges and I needed to clean up a few parts of my game, but I got through it against a good opponent so I'm relatively pleased. Then Greg and I had to play two amazing guys in dubs, and despite playing the most stellar doubles we've ever played, we lost 7-5, 6-1. No matter though. There are still some sick teams in consolation, so that will be fun.

Tonight though...balls. Completely rained out. I strung some racquets this afternoon and I'm glad I didn't just sit on my ass waiting to play. I have to play Beau (from the college team) in this next match, so I will probably lose, but I wouldn't go out there if I didn't think something retarded was possible. I am going to hop on a bike in a little bit I think, or at least do something physical tonight, so I'm gonna get going. In the meantime, pray for no more rain -- it's really annoying.

Yeah and about England...

I don't remember if I talked about this before and I don't care to go back and look. But yeah, I am going to England for a bit this summer. I am taking a school trip -- two classes, six credit hours, two weeks in England...oh man. It's going to be amazing. I'm gonna check out a bunch of plays, all the usual sights in London, the cliffs at Dover, Stonehenge, WIMBLEDON!!! I will be there in the first two days of the tournament too, so it will be tennis nirvana times TEN. I might even go to the new Wembley. I got a sick new camera, and I already plan on spending a ton of money over there, but I don't even care. It is going to be absolutely amazing. It's kind of crazy, seeing how this is the first trip/airline flight I've ever gone on. But whatever. I won't believe anything until I'm there and back. I'm still going to be ecstatic in the meantime.

Also, about this blog. It started out as a school assignment, but I think I have been able to get a little more enjoyment out of it than I anticipated. I am going to keep it going through this summer of tennis and then see where I'm at. My summer plans, as of now are pretty simple: Play some tennis before I leave, have a good time while I'm gone, and then play some tennis when I'm back. I'll still be working nights at the park (more on that later) and even a little bit at school. But I'm going to play a lot of tournaments, and probably travel to a lot more than I have before. I need to have a solid summer of tennis and make a good impression on this new coach (whoever that turns out to be). I'm looking forward to it.

50th post, and it's USTA league time

Sorry for the posting lapse. A lot has happened in the past week or so.

• The spring semester came to a close. Praise Jesus. Now only one month until I am in England, drinking a cider and checking out a foreign country. It is probably going to be the highlight of my life.
• The RMAC season ended. I made the RMAC All-Academic team too, whatever that's worth. Wish it had been for some sort of tennis-related skill thing.
• I've been sleeping in a bit and spending most of my days lounging.
• I'm starting not to do that so much.
• I caught a little cold. Start to get over that now.
• I have rediscovered the simple pleasure of the frisbee.
• The USTA league season kicked off last night. It was OK, but it reminded me why I hate the USTA. First of all, I was supposed to play 2 singles for my team -- a lineup of 1 and 2 singles and then three (3) doubles teams. My guy forfeited, for some reason. So I played with a high school kid while my team lost. Wah waaaaa...
• I am working the girls' 4A state tennis tournament this Thursday-Saturday, so that should be interesting. State tennis was always a strange thing for me, but by the end of high school, I felt like I was bigger than high school tennis, or that I could at least wrap my head around it. I will never be able to do that with college tennis.

Anyhow, back to the USTA league for a minute. This guy on our team, Rob, showed up last night with 6 mini-water bottles with him, no racquets, no bag, nothing. He was like "Hey man!! What's up!? I haven't played for about 11 months -- this is gonna be crazy!" I said, "Dang, let's get you warmed up!" We got on court and within 5 minutes he was hitting as well as I was. What a stud. If I took 11 months off from the sport, it would take me another month just to get back to where I was. This guy is amazing though. He was a state champ in high school but then never played in college. Had he kept it up, he would be even more amazing. It's crazy how some people work. Some people are just wired for the game. I wish I was like that, but whatever. I'm not complaining about what I have. I'm looking forward to playing more with him for sure though.

Kuyt!!! Liverpool!!! Zat Zat!!

Please ignore the happy title. This is a really sad story.

I was pumped about the game all day. I was thinking about it during class today, I was fantasizing about it at work this afternoon...I even left early because one of the guys was threatening to tell me who won. I got back to the house and ate dinner and ran downstairs to turn on my recording. I watched with glee as Agger scored to put LFC up 1-0, and then I fought off some heavy eye lids the rest of regular time. Come extra time, I'm wide awake. I'm ready to go, ready to yell. I blew the lid off of the basement when I saw Kuyt put one in the net in the 100th minute, and then I about ripped my face off when I saw he was offside. No matter. We'll get another one. Here comes the next extra time...and then in 107th minute, what happens?? THE RECORDING ENDED!!! Comcast!! Fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did not manually extend the block of time for my recording, and Comcast ended my recording right when things were getting panicky!

I ran over to the computer in the basement. It was frozen. I ran to another one (ya, we have too many) and fired up espnsoccernet and found out the result. Don't get me wrong -- I am superfuckinghappy about it all. But shit. I didn't get to watch it and now I feel hollow.

I have to go study now.